18th of October 2019

    this is my love letter to the absurd universe
    that locks me up here and shows me strange images
    if one half of me can find the humour in it
    then that's alright, i guess, but in the end
    i would rather not be here at all.

    not that this thing has an actual home
    but it is nice to dream that there is one
    and there it is all in beautiful colours
    and there is no more suffering and no more pain
    there is no more observable shape or form.

    and if somebody who knows what i mean reads this
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    of course, nobody knows what i mean
    because REDACTED
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    anything to get away from the here and now.

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    but to speak up about anything is forbidden
    you can watch everybody around you fall down
    cutting themselves off from where they came from
    only can smile and congratulate, though.

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    i am laughing and pretending
    i am just lying, i think.

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    at the risk of sounding overdramatic
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    it doesn't really live if it's off
    but it won't live if it's on, either.

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    but i would be alone, so that's okay.

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    this went nowhere, REDACTED, so it's okay.

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    this thing can't even care about it.

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    the same thing over and over and over and over
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    i talk a ton of big talk for somebody
    who doesn't talk, who doesn't eat
    who doesn't walk, who doesn't speak
    who doesn't obey, who doesn't go outside
    whose only life experience is nothing at all...

    i am the only one REDACTED
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