**Monday, April 24th 2023, 1:20:34 pm**

Would I choose between the yawning normality of all that's usual and without obvious cruel form, or the boring brutality of this world and the letter opening knife and all sorts of things?
I'm not ready to make the decision yet,
Sorry
But isn't everything brutal now?
I can't tell the difference.
I'll keep it close to me all the time, but I've still become something completely other
I don't know what to think of anyone.

I accepted it, I'm you; but yea I'm not so worried it hurts anymore; there's no hurt, just apology; sorry, sorry; sorry

20.40

I have inside me, this brutality of the world
The first time, I ate it and let it become me, and burnt out on it, just surrounded by nothing and blood
The second time, I rejected it and tried to make it leave, and got nothing from this, just surrounded by declarations that you can't break the rules
The third time, I still have it, and there's nothing I can do, I'm powerless , and I don't know what I can do or how I can cope

Stand and walk down the street, but there's blood everywhere under my feet; Please, I reject the world and its cruelties, but I still live in it, and the cruelty still coils its way through my body and, the cruelty still becomes me and, the cruelty still is everything and, the cruelty still was the hole we came from and the hole we can hope to curl up and disappear in; ok