also more sincerely personal, if something ever happens now it happens now (coin trajectory) ;
 i always dearly count the anniversary of something that never happened, and look forward to something that will never happen,
 trapped in the shape of a mathematical daydream - and i could decide to get out, but i'm too scared of the other shapes i could take -
  so the trap becomes a blessing, and the blessing becomes a way to get out, if only you imagine that it could ever happen ;
  the nature of this place changed immensely and i can't know why until the end, or even a little bit past that - in the daydream,
  everything is solved for me, and i'm always extinguished, waiting a little while for there to be a pointer to my head for a little while,
  moving down the motions in my head for a little while, then i'm always extinguished for all time until everything resets once again -
   also, if you count a little joyfully, then there would be five years, and if you count a little bit carefully, there could be five years more,
    and if you don't care about it then it doesn't matter about the numbers - in the daydream there's always the hint of suffering,
     but you can't see it, so you'd be forgiven for saying that there's nothing - but if you get trapped in the prison earth,
     it's inside of you, and you can never get it out - and if there's to be ten years, would it matter? who wouldn't be scared
     and fascinated? a life of nonconensual mathematics

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